If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
