everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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