i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize