new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize