He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
