Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
