He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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