ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
