I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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