So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
