He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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