I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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