it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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