Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
