i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
