dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
