I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
