do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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