2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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