I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
