I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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