Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
