Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
