Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
