***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
