At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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