Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She is in my trunk
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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