i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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