and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
