Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
