I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
