You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
