My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
