Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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