Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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