First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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