Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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