It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I believe in your delicious
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
