i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
