Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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