cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
