So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
