I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
