Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
