I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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