I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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