is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
