I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
