I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was like eating out sand paper
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
