Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
BRING THE BAGELS
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize