you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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