i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize