Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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