You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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