I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We have started to decorate penises.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize