Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize