i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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