: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
