Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
