I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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