I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
