it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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