i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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