I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize