i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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