We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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