My first STD was from a foam party
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
