You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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